January 2012
I've Got About 15 Minutes of Consciousness Left In...
Ask me a question. I’ll probably answer it unless it’s about buttsex. Hell, I’ll probably even answer buttsex questions right now. CHAMPAGNE.
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sassypantsmagee:
I might in love with jewles because she called me adorable. Maybe.
I might be in love with Ms. Pants because she IS adorable. TRUE STORY.
And so begins 2012
Ryan Seacrest: "Here is Nicki Minaj!"
Me: *turns off television*
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Texas New Year
jonmichaelusa:
shipmewithshimako:
I shall spend the next two hours wondering if I will be struck by one of the dozens of stray bullets my neighbor is firing into the air every few minutes
Susan, if that’s how I go out then I hope you will let my parents know that I want to have Bon Jovi’s “Blaze of Glory” played on a loop at my funeral.
I know I’ve said it before, but in the tragic...
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shatteredrib replied to your post: Happy New Year!
I’m so totally deactivating just to see if you’ve got the nads to hit me with the people’s elbow.
Do you smell what the Jewles is cooking?
Well, I’m not cooking anything right now, but there’ll be chilaquiles and smoothies tomorrow for brunch. Come on down! ;)
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And, cue the redneck fireworks on the mainland. Which then makes my sister’s dogs bark frantically. Which then will inevitably wake up my mother. Which will ensure she will be in SUPER spirits tomorrow, as per usual.
Happy New Year!
Feliz Año Nuevo. Les deseo toda la prosperidad y la salud en el año 2012.
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My last post of the year
thisshitsbroken:
On this
Fuck the fucking fuckers.
Farkai: poet, prophet, sage.
I'm unable to sleep in Michigan. Apparently.
shatteredrib:
littlerunnergurl:
shatteredrib:
Walking home and then deleting.
Good Riddance! Don’t let the door hit you in the ass on your way out!
// You shut your whore mouth!
Bryan, I’ve got two inches and coughcoughcough pounds on you. Delete again and I will drop an elbow on you.
Anonymous asked: On a scale from zero to drunk, where are you right now?
“I hope that in this year to come, you make mistakes.
Because if you are making...”
– http://journal.neilgaiman.com/2011/12/my-new-year-wish.html (via neil-gaiman)
OOF.
If I die of a salami and cheese overdose, it’s been nice knowing you all.
Double OOF.
My knees got sunburnt and I have massive itchy bug bites on my arm. If I take a Benadryl after drinking, say, a bottle of champagne, will I still wake up tomorrow? I’m thinking yes.
Dear Tumblr
Why are you holding my video hostage? It is an epic shout out to my peeps! I am disappoint.
You're on Tumblr on NYE. I'm on Tumblr on NYE....
swamibooba:
Ask me anything.
Ditto, kiddos.
December 2011
Drink Number One
Brace yourself, interwebs.
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“The problem with people who have no vices is that generally you can be pretty...”
– Elizabeth Taylor (via littlerunnergurl)
Awesome!
(via vegasrich)
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Musings of the Exiled Sage: Reblog this if you'd... →
jascollins:
uppercasemad:
benedictatorship:
annoyinglylogical:
protokol:
bonjourclarice:
REBLOG IF YOU WOULD MEET THEM AT THE AIRPORT GATE AND RUN AT EACH OTHER IN SLOW MOTION ARMS WIDE OPEN WHILE “AT LAST” PLAYS OVER THE PA SYSTEM
famblr ;_;
/casually bear hugs all of you
Slow motion, hell – the damn airport would spontaneously burst into meadowlands.
Not only would I run...
Uhhh, What?
So I’m sitting here scratching my butt minding my own business, and every single light in our house just came on all at once. Every. Single. One. In a 5000 square foot house, there are a lot of fucking lights. AND all the outside lights came on.
My parents have this ridiculous “Light Touch” system installed in their house, basically every light is wired to this touchpad thingy....
Oh Wells.
My friend’s 4 year old kid is sick so I’m basically forcing him to go home—two hours from here— so his poor wife can sleep tonight—rather than stay here and drink with me. I’ll see him at some point before I leave since I’m here for two more weeks! Note to Ian: we get to have dinner in Whorelando with Danny at some point. Get excited! ;)
2011 Survey.
Hmm.
Met the Internet, multiple times in multiple places.
Finalized our plans to move.
Didn’t finish up my Masters as planned but not by choice.
Made awesome friends.
Went to Costa Rica.
Acquired the Team Mendelbutt nickname.
Laughed a lot.
Still managed to avoid having to watch “Titanic”, and hope to go to my grave having not seen it.
All in all, not horrible but not...
Finally caught up on my sleep. Praise be to Jebus. Sitting by the pool then meeting a friend for dinner/drinks around 6. I could really get used to this.
Ain't got no pants on
twitchyspastic:
Ain’t got no pants on
Well, I have boxers and a tank top in now but I have no undies on. :) And with that, I bid you all a fond farewell for the evening.
“Friendship should be surrounded with ceremonies and respects, and not crushed...”
– Ralph Waldo Emerson (via livinlifedaily)
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Watchavodka-kedavra:
nedhepburn:
beardybabyjesus:
queeeriosity:
Um, this is pretty much the cutest.
And we’re done with the 2000’s.
Ugh, not only did this make me feel sick all over again but this made my cat walk out of the room. Am I the only person who can’t stand Zooey Deschanel?
Yet another of the semi-fauxmous people I went to camp with. She was there for three out of the four...