glenn beck (via stfuteabaggers)

Okay. It’s time for me to call it like I see it, which, frankly, is one of my best abilities.

Glenn Beck has a small penis. A miniature weiner. A tiny tadger.

His penis is SO SMALL that whenever a woman sees it, she’s compelled to talk to it in the voice she usually reserves for puppies and babies. For example: “Who’s a wittle bittle eensy wittle dangle? YOU ARE! YES, YOU ARE!”

And, frankly, I don’t think even the UGLIEST woman in the world, according to his standards, would touch him with a ten foot pole.

I may be a Democrat, and I may not be a beauty queen, but I am 1,000 times prettier than any of Beck’s followers who have so much UGLINESS and HATE in their hearts.

Also, tiny penis. I mean, like, lap-pinky style.